Posts By: michaelcarr

“If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”[Gal 5:25].

If we are saved we should not live as the unsaved, if we are now regenerate we must not live as the unregenerate. In other words a prince should not live as a pauper. It therefore seems more than reasonable that those who claim the name of sons of God should both live and walk in the Spirit.

Is this command a mere doctrine that receives our nod of agreement, but nothing more? Is this injunction ice cold or has it warmth that excites the soul? For instance we are clearly elected and saved by grace, but it doesn’t seem to bother us at all, so how about this command “let us also walk in the Spirit” for it is a daily response to God. Has it any further meaning than mental acquiescence?

To live in the Spirit

Many Christians believe that this phrase is simply another expression for commitment, but this kind of commitment is embraced by so few who profess the name of Christ. Those who do are often counted as fanatics with an unbounded zeal that embarrasses the casual status quo. To others it may be counted as mere extravagance and to be normal is the sensible and restrained thing to do. Some are of the opinion that the command is only for apostles who seem to have a special or unique relationship with God, and while we shun evil and live good lives, that is all we need to do. But we cannot have God and not the Spirit, they are interdependent.

This means we have communion with God through the Spirit and that communion is not a schedule of lifestyle enforcements, but a unique interdependence with the divine.  There are those who profess the faith and have a daily work-out plan; their keep-fit, to-do list of spiritual exercises. These are the ones who have a misty understanding of religious matters believing that it is duty and tradition whereas it is a love enfoldment in the garden of myrrh [Song 4:14].

If we are to have blissful eternal communion in ages to come, what of that tryst now, what time is spent is time for eternity? The touch of reality is multiplied by the day, if it is by seven it is a week, if by thirty then a month of minutes, hours, days spent walking with God, which is living in the Spirit.

This is the most susceptible of actions, for almost anything and everything will conspire to steal the time-dedicated will to walk in the Spirit.  Even as the barometer is affected by changing pressure, so our life also, and if our time of communion is depleted with God it cannot only be felt but externally observed.  Living in the Spirit is susceptible to so many vagrant things.

To live evenly in the Spirit has limitations, for we are often subject to uneasiness and distraction that interferes and interrupts our diligent devotion.  Those who know and experience this also know that they derive their life and influences from him who they love, and therefore know before anyone else what is happening in their life. “In him we live, and move, and have our being,” [Acts 17:28] this is what living in the Spirit really is. Ask yourself if you can refer all your actions and decisions in life to the work of the Spirit or not. In other words would he own or acknowledge who we are and what we do is from him? A salutary thought. This is what new life in the Spirit is. It is observable and optimistic; it comes with positive contributions to life. You can see the Spring, it is undeniable, and so is life in the Spirit.

To Walk in the Spirit

To walk in the Spirit is nothing less than to walk like Jesus; walking unworldly, unselfishly, and having an unavoidable reach for God. It is to be separated, self-denying, single-minded and spontaneously motivated for good. It is to be loving, liberated and lastingly devoted to the principles of salvation. It means to walk in a power and presence derived from heaven, to propagate the purpose of an eternal heart, to prosper those around you with the ethics of eternity.

The magnificent seven of Acts 6:3 served tables, swept up the rubbish and walked in the Spirit. The disciples waited on the multitude, gave out sardines and biscuits and walked in the Spirit. Paul making tents was walking in the Spirit. Mundane actions are ennobled by the Spirit. Doing the ordinary in an extraordinary manner is what walking in the Spirit is all about.  Someone said: “dare to be remarkable,” but you cannot without the Spirit.

The seed is cast by the farmer into the field and may lie full of pregnant life, yet never in the soil.  The human and the divine may be as near as the seed to the ground yet they may never apprehend each other.  A person can be in touch with truth yet not free, in touch with life but not alive.  God may be near in this world, but to many that is but mysticism, for he is not active in their soul.  Cain comes in before God with his apples and pears and has contact but not communion.

A person can walk up the worn steps to the sanctuary, bow in the eternal presence, take the communion cup, sing a covenant hymn, raise holy hands yet not have communion – contact but not communion.  There may be interest but not inspiration, there may be a touch but not a grip, and there can be a grip of the garment yet no fellowship.

The Lord comes in various ways to many people.  They have contact but no communion. He came to Bethany and Martha had contact but Mary had com­munion. A rich young man came to Jesus and Jesus loved him, yet he went away sorrowful having made contact but not established communion.  Pilate made contact, and washed his hands, but did he have commun­ion? A Pharisee invites Jesus to dinner.  He makes contact but not commun­ion.  He fills a chair but not a heart; he fills a space but there is a void in the soul.  Curiosity is not communion.

Men can be in­trigued with Jesus but not inspired by Him.  Having Jesus about the place does not mean he is about our soul.  It can feel good to have Jesus at your table but even better to have Him in your soul.  The eternal light can shine yet we can be in darkness. Jesus the living bread is available yet our soul can be famished.  Living water is streaming forth yet we can be parched.  

This woman of the streets – “a sinner of that city” – a prostitute of evil trade, had communion whilst others had contact. Where people make not only contact with God but establish communion with Him, history is written. Mankind misunderstands greatness.  This prostitute came into the house and was immediately considered unworthy as she was born wrong.  She lived wrong and was the wrong person to associate with Jesus, especially in a Pharisee’s house.

When people think of rank they think of royalty, the higher realms of breeding.  Position is mistaken for purity.  The Pharisee was, in his eyes, obviously higher in life than this fallen woman. Jesus brushed aside Simon’s natural inclination, turning his opinion upside-down, valuing this loose woman over this tight man.

God ranks men according to faith and humility.  The Lord resists the proud and gives grace to the humble.  Two men to the temple, one hung his head and the other hung himself by praying aloud in proud self-confidence – “I am not as other men” ‑ His rank was rank bad manners.  It reeked of conceit and arrogance.  This Pharisee sat cold and quizzical to investigate this carpenter, the woman came not to analyse but to adore.  She might be amongst the lowest according to human law, but to God she came highly recommended for she had found forgiveness and grace.

Our position in life is measured by our capacity to understand God, and that is based on faith. Our rank is of the highest, Peter says: “But ye (are) a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light”   (1 Peter 2:9).  Our position is guaranteed in God, and the worse we are the higher we can go.  In God’s eyes he who is a doormat or doorkeeper has a better chance of promotion than he who dwells on the pinnacle of a temple.

Just before this incidence in the house, Jesus was called “winebibber and a friend of sinners” (Luke 7:34) – friend of prostitutes and pimps, not of their sin!  The Pharisee said thus: “This proves that Jesus is no prophet, for if God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman this one was!”  Even as contact is not necessarily communion, so rank is not necessarily royalty.  Divine royalty is a sinner saved by grace

Prayer Enlisted for Victory

David had come to the tabernacle to offer his petition and praises before a battle.  “Neither the crown on his head or grace in his soul could exempt him from trouble”[1]  This liturgical Psalm was written for the people of the congregation and the priests to take up prayer on their king’s behalf. The congregation of Israel was encouraged to pray for David’s victory against the Ammonites and Syrians, who were at war against them, and who would fight with great numbers of horses and chariots [2 Samuel 10:6-8; 1 Chronicles 19:7]. It was the cavalry against foot-soldiers and logically the Israelites stood no chance of victory. The prayer was because of the overwhelming situation against them that needed God’s intervention. He did it at the Red Sea when He fought against the Egyptians, would He do it now?

We pray for our King when we say “Thy kingdom come.” We are looking for Him to reign over all and defeat every enemy that threatens our covenant of love with the Father. Our praise and worship combine to exalt the Lamb and cause disquiet in the dark realms of Satan’s kingdom. Where there is unity on earth there is disunity in the heavenly realm of darkness. Conversely, where there is disunity on earth there is unity in the reign of darkness.

We all have Days of Trouble

This was, as the Psalm starts, “A day of trouble” for Israel, and sometimes for individuals in their common life. “For affliction does not come from the dust, nor does trouble spring from the ground; Yet man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward.” [Job 5:6, 7]. David knew this from experience and in a later Psalm remarks thus: “For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer.” [Psalm 32:4].  

This “Day of trouble” is a searching and sifting time when we begin to assess those things which are of highest value and those things which can be safely relinquished.  Jesus speaking to Peter said this: “And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. ‘But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.’” [Luke 22:31, 32]. All of us have those times and need God’s hand upon us.

We all, not only king David, face times of distress and opposition, when we all need a prayer said on our behalf like this one. Jesus knew that mankind was the same underneath, and spoke words of encouragement like this: “Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” [Matt 11:28]. “In prosperity there are many helps, but in adversity there is but one. God is the true refuge.”2  

Mostly our trials come from a partial understanding of Christ’s victory. Paul writing to the Galatians points this out: “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” [Galatians 5:1]. We must not let any enemy put chains on us again, we have been set free.

Human Help Ruled Out

Israel was forbidden to have chariots and horses by law, so that they couldn’t claim victory in their strength, it was God who fought for them. “Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid nor dismayed before the king of Assyria, nor before all the multitude that is with him; for there are more with us than with him. ‘With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles.’ And the people were strengthened by the words of Hezekiah king of Judah.” [2Chr 32:7, 8]. Their weaponry was to be divine intervention.

David defeated Goliath by a stone and sling, not by the sword. [1 Samuel 17:45]. This principle still applied and in the eyes of their enemies God would obtain great glory.   Unfortunately man’s first recourse is to enlist human help, and vest their confidence in man-made instruments of war and destruction. Mankind is plagued with a reliance on the visible and touchable rather than the invisible and divine. As long as we live among a self-reliant people, with initiative and ability we will be tempted to put our trust in chariots and horses. God does not need our help, suggestions or plans, He devises His own strategy. Each generation brings greater methods of destruction and yet all God needs to do is use hurricanes, volcanoes and torrential rain and the world is finished.

“Surely there is an end [or future], and your hope will not be cut off.”[Prov 23:18]

Most intelligent people would want God’s favour and there is no doubt that many of the righteous who regularly attend God’s house, participate in corporate prayer and diligently conduct home worship, may find that their faithfulness seems somewhat in vain, as they wait for God’s ultimate favour on their lives. At the weekly services they tarry in expectation for a special visitation or revelation from God’s word, or possible encouragement in the unity of worship or perhaps a spoken word from a colleague – is this or will this be their hour? But, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”  [Pro. 13:12]

Some who know the sonship of salvation live as a servant, feeling the condemnation of the law, although set free by grace. Rather than walking in the glorious liberty of the sons of God they stumble in hesitant freedom, failing to live in the privileges promised at Calvary. But we know that the living word is adamant: “And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!’ Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.” [Gal 4:6-7]. Therefore as our text affirms, at some God-designed time, “Surely . . . our hope will not be cut off.” The future is safe in his favoured hands. “My soul, wait silently upon God; for my expectation is from him.” [Ps 62:5].  Our expectation is not from man, no matter how influential and powerful, but only from God.

Firstly, our expectation is of sins forgiven and all that means in practical and spiritual benefits. God sees me as he sees His son, righteous. We cannot be more righteous, we are as clean as Jesus. If God were to look at us in our own righteousness, all he would see is sin, guilt and pollution, but casting aside all our own worth, we stand in Christ alone; he then sees the sacrifice and the blood of Calvary and pronounces us clean.

Not only did we receive pardon and justifying righteousness, but adoption privileges for we are now his children. “Among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.” [Eph 2:3]. But, our new-born sonship admits us to his house, not as domestics or servants but sons. We sit at His table and have constant access to His august presence. “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me is love.” [Song 2:4]

Secondly, we have peace in death, not joy, although some will have that.  The process of death can be slow and painful, but the Bible says: “Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.” [Ps 37:37]. We can now, in death, glory in eternity which is  a sure promise and provision: “But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life.” [Rom 6:22]. Life will start in eternity, which is the reality of salvation. This life on earth is but a stepping stone to the glories that are to come. “And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.” [Matt 19:29].

Thirdly, we are therefore heirs: “And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ.” [Rom 8:17]. This is part of our father’s last will and testament that cannot be broken [John 17]. An inheritance voiced by Christ; entitled by sonship and sacrifice, and therefore he can bestow, and will share with his children; “He shall see the travail of His soul, and be satisfied. By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, for He shall bear their iniquities.” [Isa 53:11]. Being ‘joint-heirs with Christ’ we have riches abundant; riches of humility, holiness, grace and eventually glory; fixing our eyes on present privileges that the gospel has provided.

Last week we had a baptism service by full immersion and at other times we dedicate children to God, which is called Christening in other churches. In HICC we dedicate the child to God for His preserving and keeping power, praying earnestly that he will keep them safe and bring them to faith early in their lives. As we do that we cut off the previous generations, generations that can interfere with their full and faithful life. I am of an opinion that if I can inherit from Adam original sin, which I did, that would plunge me into hell, then I can inherit from my earthly father a disposition that would or could mar my life with unwanted and dominant factors. This is what I call a ‘soulicial glip’. Just as a child can inherit a physical disorder depending on their genes, so they can in their emotional life.

It is the only thing that explains why in a family all the daughters or sons follow the lifestyle of their parents, all get divorced, or all follow a life of crime and disorder. It is more than just environment, for when twins are parted at birth often they reflect the same disorder irrespective of foster or adoptive parents. Salvation does not cure it, or a multitude of Christians would not be dogged daily with acts that dismay them and which they find are beyond their ability to control.

Looking into the faces of the babies we sire, we wonder what treasure is there, within that feeble earthly frame. What have we and God sown into their lives, what expectation and destiny will they fulfil? We can well say they have this treasure in earthen vessels.  Rough and unworked, but over the years they grow to maturity, they can become a shining example of what God can do with someone wholly dedicated to His will.

It is possible to lay up the wrong treasure, which is on earth, due to a proliferating tendency to materialism. Job, speaking in his philosophy of life, states “Surely he will have no respite from his craving; he cannot save himself by his treasure.”[Job 20:20]. Our real treasure is not measurable by earthly standards. One meaning is that the gospel is the treasure above all other wealth, for it contains the seed of unbounded wealth; grace, mercy and forgiveness. We will yearn for satisfaction all our life if we are without God. We were made in His image, and “deep calls unto deep.” [Psalm 42:7]. The word says: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” [Matt 6:19-21]. It seems that our heart and our treasure are closely linked, and that is why it is difficult for mankind to be generous with God. If our heart is right with God it means our grasp is for Him not for wealth. The dominant force and persuasion in today’s society is money. Parliamentarians set a bad example of greed which ripples into society, causing discord and fretful envy. Often the church reflects the current philosophy of the world.

The popular interpretation is that the gospel is the treasure, illustrated by Jesus’ parable:  “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” [Matt 13:44].  This is so a man can secure the effects of the gospel and experience new life, and for that will give everything he has to own it. But that interpretation is hardly creditable for man cannot buy his salvation, he is poverty stricken. That he must give his all is without argument, for to accept Christ you have to be humbled at the foot of a cross; Christ, redeemed or bought us from sin and slavery. [1] I think the real understanding of this parable is that the treasure is the church hidden in the world, located by Christ who sold all he had and bought her as his bride. He paid the price for our life, we are willingly his, and now, by virtue of that eternal, undying, unselfish love, he is ours.

…………..

[1] Rev 5:9 – “And they sang a new song: “You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased [redeemed – bought back] men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.”

Recent research at Bath University has discovered that vicars, next to medical secretaries, head the list for job satisfaction. Although an Anglican vicar only earns £15,000 per annum (house and car thrown in) they expect nothing more and are content with their lot. The report found that 72% of clergy were “very satisfied” with their work and complained less about long hours than fire officers, prison officers and pharmacists. It went on further to say that the clergy’s level of satisfaction is “abnormally high.”

“For clergy, low material wants and expectations go with the job and entrance into the clergy is conditional upon accepting them.”  Professor Michael Rose, who compiled the report said “clergy may feel morally obliged to understate any material dissatisfaction.”  So, there we have it, a group of men who warm to poverty, positively rejoice at having a low income.

Kept humble by material deprivation has been a concept for generations, it being unthinkable that vicars can have wealth, or a high salary. The thought is that if the money paid is too high then the wrong type of person will be attracted into the ministry. Only the intelligent menial-minded types need apply!

The unspoken fact is that the wife of the local vicar usually has to work, thus doubling their income. It seems that this is an acceptable arrangement, but how much more convenient if the minister could attend to his duty untroubled by the need for his wife to be out at work, thus reducing his effectiveness in visitation and counselling.

When I was the bishop of the Metropolitan Region I discovered ministers with congregations of 40 desperately trying to make ends meet, and having to send their wives out to work, so they could live.   My immediate reaction was – “why not go out to work yourself, Paul was a tent maker?” With only 40 and little demand for visitation or counselling (only about 4 would be absent each week) they could easily take on a job and run the church – after all, it’s only the size of an unusually large house group.

My theory did of course caused ripples and in certain places hostility! I was disturbing the status quo.  But, back to job satisfaction. I still wonder why it is that ministers are so satisfied with their job. They work unreasonable hours – from before sun up to well past sunset, possibly seven days a week.

They are at the beck and call of many people, and have to jump quickly in emergencies – and they come repeatedly.  They scratch to find new food for their sheep weekly, and watch, as they grow fatter and fatter, yet very rarely ever see them wander from the fold to speak to a goat.

I could go on, but I don’t want to raise the ire of my readers, because they may think I’m slinging shot at them, and I’m not, for I’m privileged to be in a church like HICC. Over the years there have been several men (from my denomination) who wanted to become my assistant – they felt they would have GREAT job satisfaction working for and with me.

I must admit I’m content and happy and have great job satisfaction; HICC for all its foibles is a grand place to be. It is of course the call of God, for without that and His anointing no man could either stand the pace or suffer the stress. Constant demands from frail humanity strike at our peace level as we identity with their troubles and pains. Switching off at times is difficult. Some problems are beyond human comprehension and only God can help.

But, with God’s call comes grace more than sufficient for the day, the time or the destiny.  When God appoints he makes provision for the undertaking by becoming the underneath of support. In privation he is our supply, in weakness our strength, in trouble our peace and in our labour the accompanying oxen in the yoke of harmony.

If anyone can say they have job satisfaction they are blest beyond measure, and I think humbly of all those people in dead-end jobs with little or no appeal, and they suffer this daily.  How sad and unrewarding that must be.  They are in a cul-de-sac and cannot move out of it, because of age, little training and or lack of opportunity.  It makes me shout ‘hallelujah’ for His goodness for putting me into the ministry, which must be the most blessed occupation in the universe.

It also makes me strive to make our Sunday services the best they can be, because for many this is the highlight of their week. Why shouldn’t they be lifted beyond the mundane and enjoy something special and thrilling; it will lift the gloom of Monday till Friday. Let’s hit high this morning – for others?

There is a difference between having a formal and a living creed. In the one we mentally acquiesce to a theory – based on study and revelation, and in the other we actually transfer its teaching into action. In other words, we do what we say we believe.  We live in the words we speak and become “doers of the word, and not hearers only.” (James 1:22-23). We only believe what we actually do!

Backsliding is sliding away from known truth we once lived in. All Christians can go astray like the sheep or be lost like a coin, and can move so far away from God that, like the prodigal son, they become cold of heart. Once we fail to walk in known truth we are on a precarious path downwards away from God. It is not only holding a formal creed but also living in the living creed. Most formal creeds state that “where two or three are gathered together there He is in the midst.” Many Christians agree, but don’t meet together, especially in prayer meetings, because they either don’t want to meet God, or they don’t really believe it!

This leads me to a time in Patricia’s life where she fell away from God, and the circumstances in which she found herself led to that situation. The cause of this backsliding was due to a visit from a leading Anglican Minister with a healing ministry who turned up at my house with his entourage whilst I was at work, and praying for her pronounced her healed. It was not his normal custom to visit people in their homes, but he responded to a request from the wife of the principal of Birmingham Bible Institute who knew us well, and such was the passion of the request, he felt constrained to do it; in other words, it was right in God’s will so to do. However, within a few days Patricia was admitted to the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford where she had a trachi inserted because her breathing had deteriorated rapidly. She retained it for many years.

This was the last straw in her sad physical decline, she already had a gastrostomy tube through which she could feed herself. She was often wheelchair bound, and now a breathing tube. Life was becoming worse by the year. She stopped reading the Bible and praying and turned away from God. She could not cope with it any more, her faith was rocked to its foundations. I being a minister couldn’t explain it, so I guarded and loved her to bits. That’s all I could do. One day after many months in this state she was in the kitchen of our home, and I was at work. She suddenly turned because she felt someone was with her in the room, and she realised it was God, He said “I’ll never leave you or forsake you.”  A few weeks after that it happened again as she dusted the hallway. She just sat on the bottom step, and spoke “I suppose you’d better come in again, you’re certainly not going to leave me alone “and with that she regained her faith, passion and love for God.

That night as we were in bed I noticed her Bible again on her bedside table and when I remarked on it she told me what had happened, I wept and I weep now in my memory of that crisis of faith. I had purposefully refrained from remonstrating with her as her pastor, on her failure to pursue God, for not praying and reading her Bible, but simply committed her to God and loved her back into life. I was patient with her impatience – I believed for her lack of faith. I could do no more, she was in God’s good hands, and they drop nothing!

There is no knowing the depth to which she sank, only God knows. She was abandoned at the age of three, had six homes by the time she was eleven, and found God as her father at thirteen, here was someone she could trust at last. When she had her trachi, he had, in her estimation also deserted her. What would you say? I think of Joseph who went from a pit to Potiphar’s house and then to prison with declining prospects, but in one day he was delivered; so was Patricia. As she grew older she could look back on the unfortunate episode and she learnt that God never lets go and dogs our footsteps through life. “What can separate us from the love of God” nothing, for it is vested in Christ Jesus and we are engraved on the palms of His hands.

About three weeks ago I wrote an article called Building Philosophy, and mentioned my trip to the Toronto Airport church in 1994. What I didn’t say then I say now, and you may find it interesting. The night of our first visit we were staying in the Constellation Hotel near the church, and got to sleep about midnight. I was suddenly awoken at three-thirty in the morning by God. There was no doubt it was God; my mind was fresh and I was totally awake, and I was being spoken to. Patricia was sound asleep. He said “Speak to your wife in the language of the Song of Solomon.” And that was all. How strange, I thought. Why on earth would I do that at this time of night? And as I mused, it suddenly came to me like a bolt of lightning. I had joked about that book the Sunday before I came to Toronto, and said “It is only read nowadays by schoolboys behind the toilet block, making fun of it.”

But that wasn’t all, I watched my wife go down into death three times with respiratory arrest, and come out again, and was told that she would die by the time she was 50 – she was then 58 and on borrowed time. Because of the impending demise I switched off emotionally so I wouldn’t be hurt when the crisis came. I still loved her and cared for her in the best way possible; my whole energy was for her demands and needs. My love did not fail but it was confined to duty, bottling up my emotions to be safe from hurt. To speak to her in the words of the Song of Solomon, one of the greatest love songs of all time, was, if not impossible, then extremely difficult. My full emotions would be activated and what would happen if after pouring out my soul in these words, she failed physically and died? It had been difficult for her to travel to Canada, and that had been a risk.

I wrestled with it the remainder of the night, and in the morning decided I must do what God commanded. So I made her a cup of tea and gave her medication so the muscles would work, and waited for them to activate. About 30 minutes later I sat on the side of the bed with both of her hands in mine and looking full into her face began to quote Song of Solomon to her – making her the sole object of those words. At first she was amused, and then confused, and then enthralled. By this time I had tears running down my face and she became misty-eyed. I leaned forward and just embraced her gently, and we sat there while time slipped by, loving and being loved. The hidden gulf had been bridged. If God decided to take her home, that was his affair; I knew I could make it on my own. I had faced my giant and had slain him. God knew the perfect remedy. I obeyed, He was in control, and she became smothered in love. From that time till she died in January, she knew that unhesitatingly. In fact she told one of the doctors who visited our home in her final few weeks that I was too fussy over her. Better that than not at all.

I mentioned my encounter to Marc Dupont, the associate pastor of the church, who had become my friend, and explained what had transpired, and he felt that I should give a testimony that day in the evening service. At first I thought it was too personal and it might be throwing pearls before swine, but after prayer thought that it was probably right to do it, so did.

The next morning I was besieged with both young and old couples who came to me who had been so moved by my testimony that they had gone back to their temporary accommodation and put things right in their marriages. It was clear that they hadn’t slept much, but shining with joy – almost like newlyweds! Perhaps it was God’s plan after all to speak to many couples that week in the church. Who knows? He has his ways of doing things. All he looks for is co-operation from ordinary folk submissive to his will and purposes. I was in the right place at the right time, with the right home circumstance to engender guilt, encourage forgiveness and manifest a positive response to genuine love. To sweep away artificial barriers and bring freedom in relationship, safety in openness, and the elimination of fear in honesty. If we are open to God’s word in our lives it’s amazing what he can do. I have no doubt that there are some who will read this and put their marriages right.

Last Sunday I spoke on two of the beatitudes as an introduction to the principles of the kingdom, and used Jacob of old to illustrate the word for ‘mourn’ by his weeping over the supposed death of his favourite son Joseph. “Blessed [happy] are they that mourn . . .” The father’s weeping is the same kind of Hebrew word used in the New Testament Greek, which expresses the deepest pain of loss. To add further to its meaning I spoke about when my wife died, and this was it:

The carer had arrived for the morning duty and I showed her into Patricia’s bedroom and explained that she probably only needed washing in the bed from the waist down as she seemed especially fragile, and I then went out of the room to the garden room to finish off a small cleaning job, but as I did I heard the doorbell go again, and opened it to see the second carer had arrived.

As she was changing in the entrance hall and putting on the plastic overshoes I went back into the bedroom to see the first carer who was leaning over Patricia testing her breath. I simply said. “Is she dead” and the carer nodded. I fetched a shaving mirror from the ensuite bathroom and it was unmarked by breath and her pulse had stopped so this confirmed it. I ushered both carers into the dining room to write their report with a promise of a cup of tea. I went into my study and rang my eldest son in Bristol, and told him what and happened and then without warning just burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably. He said “we’ll be there in 2 hours.”

I eventually came out of it and then rang my daughter who lived in Straitfields, Wimbledon, and the same thing happened. All she could say was “Oh daddy,” [something she had not said since childhood, but she was so upset for me]; “we’ll be there in 30 minutes.” The anguish of looking after Patricia for 47 years and constantly for six months culminated in a sudden overwhelming thought – “I‘ve lost my best and dearest friend” and I was in excruciating emotional pain. I could not explain the depth of hurt that I felt, it was inexplicable and hardly bearable.  A carer came into my study and put her arm round my shoulder and hugged me as a kind of help, she did not really know what to do, and neither did I.

Eventually I snapped out of it and went into the kitchen and made their tea as promised [the best kind of therapy is work], they drank and as they did they asked a few questions about her life, and then left quickly, best they did. They needed to be in another environment where there was life and their skills could be used effectively. I needed time to consider where to go and what to do. I was still in shock for although I knew she was dying, I didn’t know it would be so swift.

I now know what Jacob felt and what Matthew meant about mourning; it became crystal clear, often unexplainable but understood by experience. As I prepared my PowerPoint slide for last Sunday’s sermon I was in tears again remembering that previous moment and the same now as I write this out of my soul. But, it cannot be taken away from me and it had to be to purge the pain and anguish and gain the reciprocal comfort it brings. It helps and it heals. Countless people through myriad ages have found that to be true as they have battled with failing relationship through death. I am but one amongst millions. But I can also say “God has given and God has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Be still, my soul; though dearest friends depart                                                                           And all is darkened in the vale of tears;                                                                                       Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,                                                                           Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.                                                                         Be still my soul; thy Jesus can repay                                                                                             from His own fullness all He takes away – Amen

“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. 

(The Message]
[Matthew 5:4 KJV]

Sometimes when preaching in my early twenties I would say some outrageous things, and looking back cringe at the foolishness of the comments; that’s youth, but as we mellow we begin realise our immaturity and lack of life knowledge. I once said “I will never marry a woman who wears makeup,” and there were titters round the church. I further compounded it by emphasising that the “same woman who went into the bathroom would be the same woman who came out” [In other words she wore no makeup and so was unchanged] and someone quick as a flash said loud enough for all to hear in the congregation “I certainly hope so too!”

Fortunately, I did fall in love with a woman with fair skin and a beautiful complexion and she wore no makeup, and my words were therefore fulfilled, by God’s good grace. However, some women definitely need makeup, of that there is no doubt!  But one wonders what of the inner man or soul, how does that obtain makeup, for often our face reflects our internal turmoil and stress. The first thing that attracts us when speaking of the opposite sex is their appearance, you cannot see their soul or spirit just by looking across a crowded room.

Cosmetics has a long history, and it is now accepted that Neanderthal women carried scallop shells which contained pigment residues which were thought to be the basis of cosmetics; some 150,000 years ago.  More recently advanced technology has revealed through a CT scan the facts about a woman called Tamut, who lived about 900 years before Christ and was a singer in the Temple of Luxor. Her hair was cut short to allow a wig to be worn, so vanity or an attempt to touch up the image has been prevalent through the centuries.

Egypt was a nation that used cosmetics extensively and gave birth to a style still used today. One reason was to protect against the harsh weather conditions; too bright sunlight and air born grit on the fierce winds. Even their Gods were painted, and most of those who used these paints and potions used a brush, and also they had full body cosmetics. Visitors were amazed at the extent of its use in the populace.  “Religious priests guarded the secret of many recipes for ceremonial oils for they objected to Egyptian traders sharing these products with neighbouring nations.” A bit like patents today.

In 2 Kings 9:30 we read “When Jezebel heard about it, she painted her eyes, arranged her hair . . .” and in Esher 2:9 Mordechai put forward his adopted daughter to catch the eye of the king “The girl pleased him [The king] and won his favour. Immediately he provided her with her beauty treatments and special food.” They used to anoint these maidens for six months with perfumed oil before being brought to the king’s chamber. With so much oil I would assume she would slip out of your hands!  Thus, to early Christianity painting of the eyes and lips spoke of evil and loose women.

However, whatever is or is not said about beautification, it is more than skin deep. My wife never wore makeup but there was a loveliness in her that radiated outwards from her soul.  It came from over 40 years suffering and combating a deteriorating physical condition — in and by God’s strength.

God said in 2 Cor 2:16 – “To the one we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to the other the aroma of life leading to life.” Smell is part of cosmetics, but in a spiritual sense it is also part of the Christian life in the spirit.  To achieve that in mankind I assume God has three large jars of anointed ointment, one called trial, another called adversity and the third called suffering. All unique brands.  Those applications will cause our soul to smell wonderful. They are the only potions God can use for our refinement and beautification. For Paul says that “this small affliction works for an eternal weight of glory.” For glory read beauty, which will transform any face or situation. Some of the kindest, warmest, loving and gracious people are those who have trod the fire path for many years. That is real beauty. It cannot be washed off and the spiritual mascara will not run when they weep!