Posts By: humbleaspie

“A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean and, because the audience would be different each week, he allowed himself to do the same trick over and over again. There was only one problem – the Captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to work out how the magician did every trick.  Once he realised how each was done, he would shout out in the middle of the show:’ Look, it’s not the same hat’, ‘He’s got another bunch of flowers under the table,’ ‘Why, all the cards are the ace of spades!’ The magician was furious, but could do nothing because the bird belonged to the Captain. Then, one day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot. Thy stared at each with hate, but neither uttered a word. This went on day after day. After a week the parrot said: ‘Ok I give up. Where’s the boat’?

There are times when we want things, circumstances or people to disappear. Thinking God is a magician we pray and ask him if he will oblige. ‘Lord, help me not to meet this person,’ or, ‘Lord, deliver me from this situation,’ and, ‘Lord, make that trouble disappear.’ If we had our way God would be the God of the vanishing trick.

The magicians we saw as children used slight-of-hand. We thought we saw what we saw and thought we didn’t see what we didn’t see, but it was all so confusing that we were not sure at the end whether we saw anything at all. However, be assured that there are adversities in life that are definitely real, it’s not that we think we experience them, we do, of that there is no doubt. Our only problem is, ‘who’s going to make them go away?’ Sometimes God does remove them sometimes he doesn’t. However, as a divine magician (in the right sense) God does cause our sins to disappear, and we can never find them again, they are gone forever (Psalm 103:12).

It’s good that God doesn’t answer every prayer, for His inaction in the long term can be good for us and good for His divine plan. My prayer was ‘God, never send me to London,’ he just ignored it. ‘Lord, don’t let me work with that kind of man, it causes me stress,’ He ignored it – again! I can imagine Joseph praying in the pit (Genesis 37:28), ‘Please Lord, make those Midianites go away.’ God didn’t, instead He let things transpire and arranged circumstances within the divine economy, filling in his job application for second executive ruler of Egypt.

The biggest problem we have is usually with people – ‘No Lord, not that one, I’ll work with anyone, but not that one. They’re the limit!’  God just smiles and jacks up our tolerance level, refining us as He goes.  Magicians usually make rabbits appear and disappear out of hats with impunity, but the people we know seem to be permanent fixtures. In desperation we pray for bigger hats. Mary Poppins, as she says goodbye to her two charges, puts all her goods into her bag on the table. ‘Impossible’ you say, as she puts a coat stand (a full five feet tall) into her shallow carpetbag.  It happens in films but not in real life, although we wish it would.

Why not be your own magician?  Look what Christ said: “For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, `Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ (disappear) and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will come to pass, he will have whatever he says.” (Mark 11:23).

Once upon a time there was prince who wanted to marry a real princess, he travelled all over the world but couldn’t find one. On evening a terrible storm raged around his castle and there came a knocking at the city gate. The old king opened it and there stood a princess, her clothes soaked through, seeking refuge.  The old queen said ‘we’ll soon find out if she is real princess’ and proceeded to strip the bed the visitor would sleep in, and putting a pea on the bedstead placed 20 mattresses on top of it and 20 eider-downs on top of the mattresses.

In the morning she was asked how she had slept. She replied “Oh, very badly, I scarcely closed my eyes all night, Heaven knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I’m black and blue all over my body, it was horrible.”  Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds. The prince therefore took her as his wife for she was a real princess.

Sleep is so vital we cannot function properly without it, but modern day tension is non-stop and affects our basic inherent needs. People are now waking up to the reality of quality sleep as part of a healthy lifestyle, but struggle to balance work, family and leisure time without enough hours in the day. The ‘Sleep Council’ has said that Britain is becoming a nation of zombies with one third sleeping badly most nights, with the average nationally of 6 hours 36 minutes.  This apparently is a recipe for national exhaustion; it lowers resistance to sickness creates mood swings, speeds up the aging process and makes us a danger in traffic.

We live in a 24/7 high-risk society where many modern gadgets dominate our waking and sleeping time, with many couples swapping sex drive for the hard drive! Employers are recognising the need for their employees to be rested fully before turning up for work, so they can obtain good productivity. It was found that in the building industry if you work a man 7 days a week you only get 6 days output. The body tires and sleep is affected. Sleep restores us and is a mystery that ought to be indulged.

Sleep comes in cycles each lasting about 90 minutes, of which we usually have four or five. Each cycle has two parts – non-REM sleep and REM sleep. During sleep we lose control of our blood pressure which drops as does body temperature and our metabolic rate. Apparently the body’s growth hormone is only released in sleep and its best to be lying down when this occurs. Babies need 16 to 20 hours daily and teenagers going through hormonal growth spurts generally lie in bed longer.

What satisfies one is not suitable for another; we vary, and require different periods of sleep, so the macho image of not needing sleep the, “Thatcher syndrome,” is not suitable for all. Churchill existed on minimal periods of sleep but they had to be frequent – short naps. But whatever the length there are several factors that disturb our sleep. I am writing this a little after 4:00am having awoken feeling fully refreshed, but no doubt having to go back to bed by 6:00am for an hour!

It was a pea that troubled the mythical princess but these are the current statistics of sleep disturbance. 98% worry about personal issues, 77% do not have enough time/too busy, 60% worry about work, 49% need the bathroom, 46% are awakened by their partner, 24% have difficulty with shift work, 21% find the bedroom too bright, 20% are awakened by their children, and 16% are woken by their pets.  There are a few more which no doubt I haven’t covered, but sufficient are the problems that many people are plagued with daily, but one of the most common is sitting up late watching TV. You finish up over-tired. They say an hour before midnight is better than two afterwards, and nothing constructive is done after 10:30 at night except to procreate children!

The maiden in the Song of Songs says “I sleep, but my heart waketh:” [Song 5:2], and the mystery of sleep is that in the necessity of bodily rest the heart or mind resolves issues and gives answers by revelation. Many times I have arisen from my bed with an answer to a spiritual problem and/or scriptural text; for while I have been sleeping my mind has been working.

The Psalmist said: “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he gives his beloved sleep.” [Ps 127:2] This should be coupled with “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” [1 Pet 5:7]. To say ‘don’t worry, just trust’ is easy, but by experiencing God’s sovereignty, you gradually come to a point of rest in sleep. It will not stop you going to the bathroom but might help you avoid a consultant psychiatrist or counsellor!

Louisa Carlhill in her own way is quite famous in legal circles.  During the great flu outbreak in 1892 which claimed the life of many notable people, including Prince Albert Victor, Queen Victoria’s grandson, she bought a Carbolic Smoke Ball from the Carbolic Smoke ball Company. It was sold for 10 shillings (50p) as a guard against influenza. She fell ill three days after the death of Prince Albert, and inhaled the smoke thrice daily for two months and recovered.

The outbreak of this Russian flu (so called) the “purveyors of patent cures rushed to cash in on the pandemic,” which carried off 200 people per day in 1892 who were buried in just one London cemetery. The significant thing about this upsurge of disease was that it killed not only the weak and poor who were malnourished but also the rich and famous. It worked its way through the imperial Russian family. It invaded the royal palaces of Europe. It disposed of the Dowager Empress of Germany, and the second son of the king of Italy, as well as England’s future king. Aristocrats, politicians, poets, opera singers, bishops and cardinals, none escaped.

The medical fraternity of that day were totally ignorant of where it came from, how to cure it or even what it was. It wouldn’t be till 1933 that the organism responsible for the flu germ would be identified. However on the 13^th November 1892 in the Pall Mall Gazette an advertisement caught the eye of Louisa Carlhill, a London housewife. It said that the Carbolic Smoke Ball would positively cure colds, coughs, asthma, bronchitis, hoarseness, influenza, croup, whooping cough …. and the suchlike. But, the main part of the advertisement that interested her was the claim that it would pay £100 to anyone who caught the increasing influenza epidemic, cold or any disease caused by taking cold, after having used the Smoke Ball according to the directions.

After reading this she rushed off and bought the Ball and used it meticulously until the 17^th January when she fell ill with the flu. Fortunately she recovered and then wrote off for her £100, but the company ignored her claim. While she persisted they resisted and then her husband, who was a solicitor, took up the case. Mr Justice Hawkins found in her favour even though the company said their advertisement was mere “puffery” and only an idiot would believe such extravagant claims. He ruled that the advert was not aimed at the wise the thoughtful, but that the credulous and weak, it therefore should not surprise the vender if he is occasionally held to his promise!

They appealed but it was thrown out because they had in effect constituted a contract. They had lodged £1,000 as a deposit against such claims, and therefore a contract had been established because Louisa followed the instruction completely. If people make extravagant claims and put up a cash bond, then they should be bound by that extravagance. They upped the reward to £200 and no doubt there was a very happy and healthy Mrs. Carlhill.

I listen sometimes to TV evangelists who make extravagant claims, and wonder how many gullible Christians will respond. “Send me $100 and I will pray for your healing.” I don’t read of Jesus asking for money to extend his compassion. If one thousand respond he has $100,000 and there will be at least 10% who get healed, probably through their own faith in the $100 sent and spent. He can then use that 10% as testimonies for those who were healed through his prayer, and keep going until he can’t count the money coming in.

It is the same with a faith preacher who claims that God will bless the audience (congregation) financially if they will seed into his ministry: they will reap a rich harvest. However, they don’t quote the Bible accurately; God will reward some 30, some 60 and some 100-fold. The preacher always assumes, and so does the listener, that it will be 100-fold but God has His own way of rewarding that prevents greed.

The evangelist can then use some of the money coming in to send back to those who are in need, and are seeding into his ministry, with the consequence that some will write back in claiming God has answered his prayer for them; if he does that for 10% of the people he may well keep 90% for himself.

I simply warn of modern selling techniques in the church worldwide, like the Carbolic Smoke Ball, aimed at the weak and credulous, if we live a righteous life and walk with God daily, He will respond to our prayers, and His promise is “seek first the kingdom of heaven and all these (necessary) things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33).

Last week I preached on the subject of remembrance in relation to our faith, using Moses’ words in Deuteronomy about Israel as they prepared to enter the Promised Land; this was a topical sermon because it was Remembrance Sunday. It was also reinforced by the visit of my eldest son from Bristol. We went out for a meal and then home to watch the England versus Australia rugby union match, before he returned home.

He is now 50 and we enjoy each other’s company. Most of our conversations are about the church, our faith, and the circumstances of life. We rattle along spewing out ideas and questions as iron sharpens iron – we philosophize about what has been, what is and what will hopefully happen, as we explore past realties, present vicissitudes and future expectations.  There is never a dull moment. Amidst all this brain storming there is the occasional yelp of encouragement for the England team as they charge across the pitch, striving for the Australian line.

In the midst of that rambling discussion and delight at our relationship and the football, I suddenly remembered something I have never been clear about stemming from Leighton’s childhood. He was an extremely bright young lad, and he attended St. Mary’s Church of England School in Mosley where we lived. 99% of those children passed for grammar schools, and nearly all aimed for the King Edward Schools, which were the top schools in Birmingham and probably the country. His brother Greshame about two years younger also went to that primary school. Leighton was put in for the King Edward High School by his headmaster with the expectation that he would pass, but he didn’t and his younger brother did and was awarded a scholarship. I could never understand that for Leighton was brighter in my opinion than Greshame. He knew 23 nursery rhymes and the Lord’s Prayer by heart by the time was two and could read before he was four.

However, Leighton told me, amongst the growing excitement of England actually winning a rugby match that the reason he never passed was because two examination pages were stuck together and he missed answering the questions on those pages. He finished early and, as he was checking through the pages he had done, knowing he had answered them correctly, he suddenly realised his dilemma as the stuck pages opened up, and as he stared at them in panic the bell rang for the end of the exam.  He was awarded a place in the King Edward Camp Hill Grammar School the one down from the High School, which was opposite my house. He had either forgotten to tell me all those years ago or he did and I had forgotten; I think the former!

I mused as to where he would now be if he had passed, for at Camp Hill he got in with crowd of boys who loved rugby and so did he. He represented his school, and Birmingham and, as an automatic by-product, his homework and study became secondary. He didn’t put the work in and of course his studies suffered, but he redeemed himself in the end and gained 11 ‘O’ and 6 ‘A’ levels. A different school a different teacher, and who knows, life hangs on the small things; two pages stuck together!

We can look back and see where a small event shaped our life, and wonder if God was in it. I have to believe that he is, and His purpose is for our prosperity and blessing, whatever we may think to the contrary.  We will have disappointments and sadness, but we can’t dwell on that for life is too short and we must avail ourselves of current possibilities. “If only” must not form part of a Christian’s vocabulary, it will anchor them in a continual disillusionment that will rob them of joy and happiness; despondency sets in and cripples faith for the future.

When I was a boy of 16 I left the technical college where I had taken a two-year course in engineering. I was not bright enough to pass for a grammar school, so it was a vocational life for me. However, in the sixth form we had to do a research essay as a culminating assignment before we left school. I did it on Warwick castle, well illustrated with illuminations at the head of each paragraph, artistically done in gilt. My house master took it to the staff lounge and teachers saw it and recommend that I apply for the senior art school in Birmingham, for I was wasting my time as an engineer.  When I told my parents they simply said I had to go to work to help keep the home, my education time was up.

A small thing, and yet large in my eyes; I never drew again from that point on.  I went into the building and civil engineering industry, and from there built my own church [twice], perhaps that would never have happened if I had gone to art school? Disappointed, yes but also compensations; God can change things to our good – Oh YES!

History records that Henry II and Thomas Becket, his Chancellor, were firm friends. Although the Plantagenet king was only twenty-one when he ascended the throne in 1154, and Becket was in his mid thirties, the age differences did not seem to matter. Both were energetic workers, and whereas the king sought to manage and rule his diverse kingdom in England and France, Becket took control of the writing office, preparing official royal documents. It is recorded that before taking dictation from Becket a clerk would sharpen at least 60 if not 100 quills pens.

However no matter how excellent the rule of law under Henry became, the church had its own laws and the clerics were exempt common law and justice, so when the Archbishop of Canterbury died in 1161, Henry appointed Becket to replace him. His idea was that Thomas would put the church in order and remain Chancellor thus combining the two jobs and curing a festering sore.

Astonishment arose when both the King and the populace noticed a dramatic change in Becket. He resigned as Chancellor and almost at once started defending and supporting the rights of the church. He resisted Henry’s attempts at taxing priests, and ruled that none were subject to the death penalty.

Becket had moved from his vainglorious, extravagant chancellorship, and become a pious man, far removed from the king’s man. There was talk that he had been ‘born again’ and was now God’s man. But, “Becket could never resist catching the public eye: he loved being a celebrity. Gilded companion of the king or sackcloth servant of the church, he never failed to act his part.”[1]

In October 1164 he arrived at Northampton Castle with a retinue of clerks and monks to withstand the king on various matters. The meeting resulted in him slipping away and sailing to France where he was in exile for six years. On his return to England, with Henry still in France, he railed and stormed at happenings in his absence, so much so that Henry was heard to complain bitterly about the ‘low born cleric.’  Four of his knights, hearing that lament, took it upon themselves to deal with the matter. They came back to England, to Saltwood castle, to collect an arrest party and proceeded to Canterbury.

The facts of his death are well known and on that late December afternoon, the four knights having arrived, took off their armour, interviewed him, and then because of his obstinacy, stormed out of his private chambers, put on their swords entered the cathedral and a fight broke out and Thomas was slain with a blow to the head that cut it wide open.

On December 29^th when the monks stripped him for burial they found next to his skin a rough goat-hair vest from his neck to his knees, crawling with maggots and lice, not silk underpants. It was a symbol of humility that pious monks wore to punish themselves, and it changed their opinion of him, thus making him a martyr not an arrogant self- glorious, self-opinionated, ex Chancellor. Thomas’s private chaplain, Robert Merton, revealed that he would lift Becket’s shirt to the shoulders three times a day to whip him until the blood flowed. It confirmed to his followers his saintliness.

I am of the opinion the New Year’s vows or resolutions are a bit like Becket’s goat-hair shirt. Many flagellate themselves in an attempt to make themselves worthy. There is this urge in mankind to live right, in the belief that they are not meeting some forced criteria for lifestyle. If only they could slim, stop smoking, stop drinking (too much) stop going to bed late, get out of debt, study more, take an interest in the arts, and generally behave differently, life would take on a dramatic change.

I wonder what hair shirt we are wearing. The Christian objective is to live right each day with God, so that we don’t have to make New Year’s keynote speeches. God does not make demands of us, but gently leads us onward, changing us from glory to glory. We do not have to prove ourselves to God for we always fall far short. We live under his love and forgiveness, and common sense tells us of any change that needs to be taken. The book of Proverbs will teach us how to live. Pray through that, and make no day a high day, but do today what needs to be done, and if you fail, and you probably will, start again the same day.

[1] Robert Lacey, English History, pub by Little, Brown, 2004.page 129